How to Ask for Consent and Other Sexual Communication Scripts
Having honest conversations about sexual health, contraception, testing and boundaries can feel intimidating. These sexual communication scripts give you ready-made opening lines and text message templates, so you are not composing the hardest sentence from scratch.
Pick a conversation
Discussing STI Testing Before Sex
Bringing up recent sexual health tests and barrier use with a new partner or before stopping condoms.
Keeps testing framed as a routine, mutual standard for mutual comfort.
"Hey, before things go any further, I like to check in about sexual health. When was the last time you got tested? I did mine a month ago and everything was negative."
"Hey! Really looking forward to seeing you tonight. Quick question—when did you last get an STI check? I did mine recently and like to make sure we're on the same page! 😊"
- •Bring it up while fully clothed outside the bedroom to prevent high-pressure moments.
- •Frame testing as care for both partners rather than suspicion.
- •Offer your own testing history first to break the ice.
- •Do not ask "Are you clean?" — use "When did you last test for STIs?" instead.
- •Do not assume monogamy means testing is unnecessary without a confirmed baseline test.
- •Do not accept "I would know if I had something" — most STIs are asymptomatic.
How to use these sexual communication scripts
Pick the conversation you need, then read the script once and say it in your own words. The wording matters less than the timing: raise it before things are happening, not during, and pick a moment where either answer is survivable. A script is scaffolding for the first sentence — after that it is a conversation, not a recital.
Conversations these scripts cover
Each script covers one specific situation, with a spoken version and a text message template for when saying it out loud is harder.
- How to ask about STI testing before sleeping with someone new.
- Setting boundaries — naming what you do and do not want, in advance.
- Saying no, and making no a safe answer for the other person too.
- Raising mismatched libido without turning it into blame.
- How to ask for consent, in words that do not sound like a form.
- Opening a consent conversation with a long-term partner.
Adapting a script so it sounds like you
Swap the vocabulary for words you would actually use, keep the structure, and resist softening it into ambiguity — the whole value of a prepared line is that it is clear. If a conversation goes badly, that is information: how someone reacts to a boundary tells you more than whether they agreed to it.